“Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they’re afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.”
– Unknown Author
On Sunday, my friend and I took a drive to Old Mystic, Connecticut to visit B.F. Clyde’s Cider Mill, which has been family-owned and operated for six generations. We had a nice time strolling the grounds, polishing off sugar-coated apple cider donuts and fending off swarms of bees.
With apples on the brain, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the preceding quotation. I also couldn’t help but wonder if it’s just a farce, something that married women say to make their single girlfriends feel better about themselves. While I do know several beautiful women who are still single in their 30s, let’s get real here people: Not all single women are amazing and it’s not always the men who are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Often I’m told that men are probably intimidated by me. My natural inclination is to roll my eyes at the simple absurdity of that statement. Intimidated by me? Riiiight. However, after doing some self-reflection I’ve concluded that in some cases maybe that is the truth.
My “right boy” could have been in the very same room as me, too scared to make the approach. I realize that I have, over the years, lusted over both strangers and male friends… and said nothing. Perhaps, then, the same thing has happened in reverse; perhaps the proverbial shoe has been on the other foot.
Why didn’t I say anything? Was I intimidated? What if I had told them how I felt? Would my life today be an entirely different microcosm? Would I be a wife? A mother? Would I be a happier person? The “what-ifs” can drive you mad but sometimes you just can’t help the path your mind chooses to wander down. Like it or not, you’re going along for the ride.
We all have our flaws; I know I certainly do. But I also know that whoever ends up with me is going to be one lucky bastard. I know that I bring a lot to the table and have a lot of love to give. I also know what I want in a partner and I won’t settle for less. Call me cray.
So, let’s say that I am one of the few amazing apples: is it fair to say that nobody has tried plucking me off of that top branch? Of course not. Many have tried (and many have failed). I’ve climbed up quite a few apple trees as well. Ouch. No one is immune to rejection.
When you’re searching for a needle in a haystack, it’s nothing but a numbers game. There must be mutual timetables and equal interest. Some folks get sick of waiting so they take the best apple they can get at the time. Truth be told, I’m a bit sick of waiting too…
But I’d rather wait alone than spend forever with someone who’s not right for me.
Recently, I’ve felt like I’ve been bumping my head against the wall. I am in a constant battle with myself over whether or not to play the game; I know the game well. I know exactly which sneaky-ass maneuvers will land the guy. But if a relationship is built upon false pretense, how can it ever withstand the test of time? I want someone to fall in love with me for me, not because I played hard to get.
I was told recently that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Theoretically, I know that I shouldn’t do this in order to achieve “success” but clearly (as I just put the word success in quotes), I don’t really think that fake behaviors result in authentic success. If we value authenticity in a relationship, then success is only success when built upon the truth.